Drunken Hatori
by ObsidianSilversmith
Summary: Like any good best friends, Ayame and Shigure put Hatori in situations that NEVER needed to come about...
1. Chapter 1

_**~~ DRUNKEN HATORI ~~**_

Rating: T for overuse and abuse of alchohol

Warning: OOC-ness of characters at times. Oh, and homosexual references.

Genre(s): Humor, friendship, skewed romance, and drunkenness

Summary: A drunk Hatori is a happy Hatori…what have Ayame and Shigure gotten him into now?

Character(s)/Pairing(s): Shigure, Ayame, Hatori, and Hatori. Jokingly Shigure X Ayame.

Date Written: 20 February 2011

Date Published:

Word Count: 460

Dedication: Happy birthday Corey! You may be an A-hole on occasion, but you're still the only cousin I'd want to spend a day with. Well, other than James, but he's an adult so that doesn't count.

AN:/: With just a flick of my Author wand, I decide that it's more fun to not own or profit from Fruits  Basket. Oh, who am I kidding, that would be a dream!

Hatori Sohma regretted the day that his mother birthed him.

Looking at the messes that were his best friends, anyone could figure out why. Ayame-the flamboyantly dressed seamstress(and yes he realized that that is the feminine form)-and Shigure, the famous writer determined to get into any girl's skirt, both danced around the table in his office. To make matters worse, they were stark raving drunk. And naked. Yeah, the naked part bothered him greatly. Seriously, personal space issues?

Pretending that all was normal seemed out of the question as Hatori went to the window just above his couch, and shut the curtains. The gardener had seem the two's dance of drunken shame. The little ghost hovering from the man's mouth did nothing to make the annoyance recede.

"Hatori, you wanna drink?" Shigure pressed his body against Hatori's.

"Shigure," Hatori separated himself from his best friend. "Is there a reason that you and Ayame are in my office IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, dancing like drunken fools?" He fought to keep his voice from raising. What had he done in a past incarnation to warrant this type of treatment from the gods? Maybe it was a punishment for what he'd done to Kanna, but he'd made that right by stripping her memories, right?

A flash of intelligence flared in Shigure's eyes. If Hatori didn't know better, he'd swear the duo were not as drunk as they let on. What the hell were they planning?

"Our dear Hari-Kun, why ever not? Gure-Chan finished his latest book and we figured you'd be happy for your dear friend." Ayame sniffed and wrapped his arms around Shigure's shoulders. "I guess we can celebrate with someone more caring. Come my beloved Shigure." Ayame pecked Shigure's cheek and dragged him away by the hand.

Once the door slid shut, Hatori closed his eyes. They would be back in five...four...three...two...

"Are you coming Hatori?"

Hatori groaned as he picked the garments off of his computer desk. This was_ so_ not going to end well for him. "Yes, just _please_ clothe yourselves first."

The two imbecilic best friends stuck their heads through the doorway and back into the office. "Aw, Hatori, we didn't know you wanted to keep our wonderful bodies to yourself!"

The shirt hit Shigure in the face after their in-tandem sentences finished. Would those two ever learn?

"Come on Hatori, the limo isn't going to be here forever!"

Nope. They wouldn't learn.

"I'm coming." He growled at their squeals of delight. "ONLY to keep you two delinquents out of any misfortune you may cause to befall another, helpless, human being."

Ayame and Shigure exchanged knowing glances as they dressed quickly. Oh yeah, tonight would be the night.


	2. Chapter 2

~~ Drunken Hatori ~~

Chapter: Phase Two

Rating: T

Warnings: Drunkenness...LOL

Genre(s): Humor

Summary: In the limo, the group is already getting plastered.

Date Written: 23 April 2011

Date Published: 8 July 2011

Word Count: 340

Dedication: Baby-sitting and the awesome person that married into my family!

Hatori glared from over the rim of his bottle as the limo pulled into the parking lot. He hated the way Ayame and Shigure forced him into things, but ignored the nagging for the moment. He needed to just relax for a time.

"So, Shigure, is there anything you wanna share about the book?"

He lowered his bottle slightly. If he'd been drunk in his office, then why the hell didn't Ayame _sound _drunk? Hatori groaned. Yup, he'd been duped. Damn bratty bitches of best friends. He needed to find some new ones, but had been too lazy to get around to it. "Excuse me while I figure out where to stash your bodies."

"Aw, Hari, don't be that way! We did it for your own good." Shigure stretched slightly into Ayame's lap. "Besides," he rolled over, causing his voice to be muffled. "You need to get back to the way you were before all that shit."

Hatori flinched. Shigure cussed again before pushing away from Ayame's lap. "You can have fun on your own, or you can get it forced on you. Your pick."

Hatori growled. Maybe under a septic tank?

"So, Ayame, the newest—oh, were we talking about the novel or," Shigure shifted his eyes sneakily. "The secret one?"

Ayame giggled. "Of course I meant the latter."

"Hell no. I'm putting a stop to this conversation NOW!" Hatori stood while yelling, only to slam his head into the roof of said limo.

"But Hari, I wrote it specifically for you!" Shigure feigned hurt feelings while slumping over with fake tears filling his eyes.

Hatori grimaced before glaring down the neck of his bottle. What the hell, if he was already in the middle of everything why not go full throttle into the rest of it? "Fine. But you asked for this." Hatori downed the nearly full bottle, wiping his mouth against his sleeve. "Throw me the damn book."

Shigure and Ayame grinned. Phase two: completed.


End file.
